Yesterday I went to a routine baby doctor appointment and walked away in the depths of despair. My doctor could not find the baby's heartbeat. I thought I knew what was next, a D and C, but I was oh, so wrong. Because our baby was in the 16th week of gestation, I was told that I would have to deliver the baby.
Four hours later I found my self checking into the labor and delivery floor of AF hospital. Austin was with me, I was fitted with my IV, given the drugs to induce labor, and then began the six hour wait. At nine pm I delivered a perfect baby girl, we named her Mary. Her 4.5 inch frame was complete with all ten fingers and toes (including little nail beds and knuckles), and a perfect little head. Together with the doctor we examined her tiny body. His exam proved nothing wrong externally with Mary, and so we were left with only uncertainty as to why her heart stopped.
Certainty in my faith and convictions gives me the knowledge that I don't need all the answers in this life to know that life exists in the world to come. A firm knowledge in my Savior's redeeming love allows me hope and trust in the unknown. Although I will never know the color of her eyes or feed her warm milk, I still love our Mary with all the love a mother.
Finally, and massive thank you to all those who have served and loved Austin and me at this time.
Here are the prints of her hands and feet. Her foot prints fit inside the nail of my pinky.
